I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
