you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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