Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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