Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Randomize
