The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Randomize
