Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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