peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
