I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
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