she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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