she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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