I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
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