In the future we'll all be gay
Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Randomize
