3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
