i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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