Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
