Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
It's blow job season.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I want to be your penis for a week.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
