Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
