He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
