I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
