Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
