my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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