You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
