I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
When did angry sex become our thing?
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
