Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Randomize
