There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
i think i just naturally attract stoners
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