Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
