i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Randomize
