my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Randomize
