So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Randomize
