Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
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