the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Randomize
