she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Randomize
