I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!�
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Randomize
