I think scott just propositioned me for sex
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
