when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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