Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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