i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Randomize
