she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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