Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
