I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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