The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
