I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
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