I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Randomize
