The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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