Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
