mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Randomize
