Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Randomize
