Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
