be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Randomize
