fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
