U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
